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Hair bows for infants: unnecessary torture?

Stop putting these things on your poor babies’ heads!

While waiting for an hour at the dentist’s office for a double root canal earlier this week, I saw many disturbing things. One was my first episode of the Wendy Williams show. Another was a baby with an enormous bow on her head that nearly covered up her entire face, making me wonder how the hell her vision was going to develop inches beyond her head.

As a mom who has had to patch her daughter’s eye for two years, who had to make her infant wear glasses from age six months on (yes, they came off all of the time), I know how important it is for that vision to be unobstructed for proper development. Why the hell would you want to impede that development by sticking a giant bow that’s almost as big as your kid’s head in the middle of her face in the name of “cuteness”?

This mom went on and on to the woman next to her about how some relative paid forty bucks for a bunch of interchangeable bows for the poor kid, and all I could do was send her waves of sympathy. She isn’t even big enough to swat the thing away if she wanted to, not really—and her mom is probably making her uncomfortable in the name of beauty. Way to begin early, Mom! She’ll have to learn that beauty is pain eventually, right? Why wait for the shaving nicks and eyebrow tweezing and Botox and bikini waxes when you can wrap that obnoxious piece of cloth around her poor still-developing skull and suck her brain right out, right now?

It’s not just this mom, either. There are actually moms out there who are having bow PARTIES where they buy them in bulk for their babies. It’s a really weird fetish. I know my mom bought barrettes for my hair, but I was freakin’ eight years old—and I pulled them out anyway. The older kids at least seem to get smaller bows; what is with this giant bows for your baby fad?

You might think I’m overreacting here, but why would you put anything on your child if not for his or her own comfort at this age? Sure, there’s that one itchy dress for Easter photos and maybe another for Christmas every year—even we don’t do that, to tell you the truth—but isn’t that enough? Why add things to your baby when she’s so beautiful already—not to mention things that are going to add weight to her head and block her view?